A less than gleeful return to the blogosphere

*puts on overly feminine, diary-writing-in voice*
Deeeear diary,
I am bedridden with a severe case of teenage angst. 
All I’m capable of doing is sitting in bed in my own filth watching various episodes of Peep Show, pausing only to have a momentary sob or update my facebook status to a relevant yet vague song lyric. It’s tragic.
This is my woeful tale of self-pity.
I met a boy in August. To protect the ‘innocent’ (hmm), we shall refer to him as Boy.
I reckon August was probably the best month of my entire life. For obvious reasons. Boy and I met maybe less than a week after I competed. We met through a friend I met in the village, who shall also remain anonymous. 
It was still sunny (well, what passes for sunny in lovely England) then, so we did lots of sun based activities, i.e. things that can be done inside, outside. I.e… went for dinner a lot, but sat in the outside part of the restaurant. Glory. 
The first time we met, Boy took my number while we were slightly boozed. I thought nothing of it. Yes, he was attractive. Yes, he was funny. Would we get in touch? I didn’t know. At this point, I had a sort of ridiculous crush on somebody else so I wasn’t too bothered either way. (For the record, nothing came of that either. What is wrong with me?)
But Boy texted me the next day, and we began chatting. We arranged to go for dinner. Why not, I thought. Harmless fun. 
It was during dinner that I decided that actually, I rather liked Boy. 
So for roughly three glorious months, we continued to galavant around London happily. We didn’t do anything particularly spectacular, I was just happy to be in the company of somebody I gelled with so well. I liked his dark sense of humour and I guess he must have found my initial social awkwardness endearing. 
But then one day, Boy realised that I am, in fact, an idiot. 
Ok, so he didn’t put it quite like that. He was actually very nice about it. But the message was clear: we were going to have to stop seeing each other.
In hindsight, it was inevitable that it couldn’t last. Heck, nothing lasts forever. Not even [insert appropriate celebrity couple that we though were solid but have actually split – I can’t actually think of one myself]. Boy is a bit older than me, and we have different interests. But all things considered, we got on well. So I was pretty gutted. We kept in touch though, and continued to meet up occasionally (which probably drove my hormonal, teenage mind a bit bonkers). 
So, the months continue to go by and Boy and I stay good friends. But there’s still an underlying element of “something-used-to-be-here-which-isn’t-anymore-and nobody-feels-completely-comfortable-with-this-current-situation-considering-the-former-one”. This didn’t help things at all.
In between my good days (“I am queen and ruler of the universe and nobody can stop me because I am happy and independent.”) and bad days (“shit. Maybe I should get a cat and prepare for spinsterhood”), i generally tried to get on with my life.  I start chatting to a new guy. New Guy is nice but I still find it hard to completely get over Boy. 
Boy and I are now occasionally bickering with each other. It wasn’t nice. It all came to a head the other day, when Boy says he’s seeing somebody else. And suggests that maybe it’s wise that we don’t chat anymore. Ouch. 
I’m not sure what’s worse. The fact that I’m probably going to lose somebody I now consider to be a good friend, or the fact that I’ve already bought their Christmas present. Or that if I do indeed give them their present, I have to see them again for what could possibly be the last time. Unpleasant.
So, Internet. That’s the story of how I came to be sitting in bed on a Saturday night, sadly blogging away all my troubles with Peep Show minimised on Safari. It was either that or go full psycho and have a complete kitchen floor reset. (For those who aren’t familiar with the kitchen floor reset, allow my pal Russell Kane to educate you on the matter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQccbDwQlMQ. In fact, everything he says in this clip is brilliant).
Not my most entertaining post ever, but quite potentially the most personal. And my first one in several months. 
I’ll attempt to post something more joyful before/around/after Christmas. 
If I fail to do so, hope everyone reading has a bloody brilliant Christmas and a splendid New Year! Make sure to drink lots. 
Z. x

11 thoughts on “A less than gleeful return to the blogosphere

  1. I remember all that boy bullshit vividly from my 20’s. For whatever it’s worth you sound completely normal and sane and will meet Mr.Wonderful one day, and I look forward to hearing about that gushy happiness. While you are waiting perhaps you should respond to your fan emails!!!!!! Hinthintwinkwink…. 🙂

  2. I know that feeling well. Coping with being friends when there used to be something more is one thing, but coping with losing someone completely is a whole other set of feelings entirely. Especially when you don’t hate them. Hating them makes it all so much easier.

    Hang in there, Zoe. It will get better and you will find someone who takes the pain away just by being awesome. Everyone feels crappy once in a while. This will take time, but these feelings will pass. *hugs*

  3. If you really wanted to give your gift, but dread having to actually see Boy in person, just mail it. Otherwise, just re-gift it. You’ll be okay, promise.

  4. nothing says misery with singledom like Peep Show! Mark Corrigan’s rolling commentary mirrors my own.

    I hope you feel better, but that often comes after more sobbing. Thanks for sharing and I hope you have a tolerable Xmas 🙂

  5. Hi Zoe!
    Sorry to hear about your heartbreak! I know it doesn’t make much difference right now, but you will feel better…. And find a much better companion than Boy or Guy. I sure don’t miss the emotional chaos of my younger years…

    The kitchen floor reset video is brilliant and funny!!

  6. Has-been’s a drag. Don’t drag them along. Clean cut and move on. Life is continuing at the speed of time, and every day is a new one. Some will be hard and tough, some beautiful and lovely. You have things to do, missions to accomplish, and this is a time to be selfish, Hold on to your family and good friends, but for the rest, let you yourself come first. And for eff’s sake, no X-mas gifts to heartaches!
    Now go to the gym, throw some heavy stuff around and get Boy out of your system. There are plenty more to be found, and maybe, some day, there’s a keeper.
    Zoe, your writing is brilliant, and I wish you would keep on writing every day. Be personal but keep the private things to yourself. Between training-eating-sleeping you definitely need to rub your intellect and your blog will help you to keep your chimp happy.
    This was an early morning comment and I might come back to you later. Hope you don’t mind. Your post today made this a good morning.
    Also, since words are so obviously your friends, maybe you would consider helping people how find them hard to handle. At http://www.adoptaword.co.uk you can help. I adopted “positron” yesterday. It’s a positive word, filled with energy, definitely worth £15 :-).

  7. Ah chin up Zoe, it’s horrible to be in that situation but time is a healer. It’s a cliche, but it’s true. Hats off to bearing it all on the blog, it can’t be easy to do, but then it’s also cathartic, so get it out in the open and feel like you’re not just stewing on your own. It’ll be ok though. And previous experience suggests that maybe some time away from Boy isn’t a bad idea. After all, with the way you feel it’s not easy to move on without a bit of space. Hope it works out for you. x

  8. Hi Zoe, I’m sorry to hear about the whole “Boy” situation, but hey, maybe santa will be kind enough to bring you something special, and after the amazing year you’ve had, that’d only be fair 😉
    On the better, lighter side of your heartbreak, its great to have you back blogging again, so “every cloud” and all that 🙂
    What are you plans and goals for 2013? One of my personal goals would be take your wonderful-self out to dinner, i’m sure it’d be great (and hey, with my cat, our common adoration for sport, we can blend the best of your 2 worlds of you being a queen and owning a cat :P) 😀 hehe.
    What you up to over the crimbo period? seeing some family and friends or keeping it a quiet one? 🙂

  9. sad to hear about that “boy” incident…. even worse because your my “other”… you know that if-given-the-opportunity-My-girlfriend-would-let-me-“hang”-with-someone-that-is-not-her-because-it-will-never-happen

    cheer up… you’ll meet a Better person, hopefully a Man instead of Boy

  10. What’s with all the woe Zoe? I do like reading your posts as you write very well and not because of your pathetic love life 😉 Actually, what am I saying?? We all secretly like hearing about people’ s unrequited loves or romantic cock-ups. If you want a very minor giggle/outraged gasp and feel a major relief you have never been on a date with me, then read this: http://jakemcmillan.wordpress.com/2011/03/24/a-new-low-in-ridiculous-things-to-say-on-a-date/

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