Its been a long week so far. I’m tired and irritable, and my face hurts due to wisdom teeth coming through. Therefore I thought I’d let myself have a bit of a rant, and anybody that wants to read it can. I’ve limited myself to five points, purely because nobody in their right minds would have the time, patience or interest to hear me going on about stuff that I don’t like for any longer than that. So here, in no particular order, are five things that have bothered me over the past few days or so.
I thought I’d ease you into this post gently, by talking about a universally-hated creature, created for the good of absolutely nobody. Of course, I am talking about the mosquito. I woke up the other morning with a few itchy red bumps on my legs. Coincidentally, I hadn’t realised that I was itchy until I’d seen them. Then, of course, I just had to scratch. And typically, they have been bothering me ever since.
The existence of the mosquito is pretty much the reason I don’t believe in God. Why would anyone with all the power in the world choose to create these irritating little tyrants purely to suck on the blood of humans causing them hours of endless pain and frustration? While your counter argument may have something to do with that old thing we call the food chain, you should know that I really don’t care. I am pretty sure that whatever is eating mosquitos would not miss them if they were to disappear off the face of the earth. There is other food. Food that doesn’t make the most annoying, high pitched buzz in the middle of the night while you’re trying to sleep, making you fear for your life as you lay paralysed and blind under your duvet.
The worst part about these is that, if worn correctly, they can look really nice. However not if you have a bigger bum and hips than waist. In fact, I am finding I have the same problem with any sort of shorts/jeans/trousers. But I have recently discovered harem pants to be the biggest offenders. I found an old pair in my wardrobe the other day that I hadn’t worn in about 2 years, and decided to give them a go. I soon remembered why I had stopped wearing them though. Surprisingly, they slid up easily over my legs and bum (which is a rare occurence when you do weightlifting), but the high waist was way too big. Consequently, it fell straight back down to my hips, creating an unsightly fold between my hip bones. I looked like an obese person who’d lost a lot of weight and was left with loads of skin that just sagged downwards. This is not fashion. I felt like the genie from Aladdin.
Abuse of the English language
By English people, this is. I think we’re just going to have to accept that Americans will forever be drinking from faucets rather than taps, throwing things into trashcans rather than bins, removing ‘u’s and replacing ‘s’s with ‘z’s. Why fight it?
Fair enough, language is always changing and developing, and new words are always being invented. But there is no excuse for words such as “dench”, “reem” and “wooldy” – what the **** even is this last one?! I keep seeing it pop up on my Twitter timeline and every time I’m like… what?! What does it mean? How would I even pronounce that?! Seriously, if you have any idea please feel free to inform me.
I have been known to use the odd abbreviation such as “lol”, “noob” and “wtf”. But creating new, nonsensical words when we already have perfectly good ones which mean the same thing? Inexcusable. And you know who I blame? ….
Reality TV shows and its ‘produce’
Yes. These are the culprits for attempting to destroy not only our language, but our entire country it would appear. The Only Way Is Essex being a classic example. I’m choosing to pick on this show because it seems to have the biggest idiots. Whatsmore is, somehow, they’ve cleverly managed to market these morons so well that ‘idiot’ has become the new ‘cool’. And even better, teenagers/young adults/fools everywhere are really buying into it and looking up to these idiots as role models! I can’t go to Bexleyheath without seeing hundreds of 15 year old Joey Essex wannabes. If you’ve watched the show, you will realise that no good can come of trying to emulate Joey Essex. This kid can only just about string a sentence together, and even then, half the words are just made up. Are these words only catching on because people are just humouring him, like you do to really little kids who can’t speak properly yet?
That said, in his defence he seems fairly harmless. Mostly because I sincerely doubt he has enough brainpower to cause anyone any harm. However, the cast of Geordie Shore are more or less entirely what is wrong with the country. I will admit, that I do find them fairly funny in their own, strange little way. Its the men that annoy me most – they strut around acting like they’re God’s gift to women all the while treating them like dirt. To add insult to injury, they do it whilst sporting the most over-waxed eyebrows I’ve ever seen – they’d put most GIRLS to shame. It would seem that the entire point of their existence was to have sex with as many of their female counterparts as possible. And sadly, it seems that the rest of the country are following the example given by these ‘men’, who should think about crawling back to whatever cave they came out of and carry on evolving.
Idiots on the Internet
My final, and possibly most controversial point so far. Lately, I’ve been finding that more and more people have been tweeting me replying to my tweets. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when people tweet me and I’m usually happy to reply. But when people are rude and stupid, it really grinds my gears. If you don’t agree with something I’ve said, fair enough. But at least be polite enough to put it in a diplomatic way! The problem with that is, the majority of the people I’m talking about probably aren’t actually intelligent enough to even know what diplomatic means (or even that I’m talking about them). In fact, I’m only confident enough to make this point on here because I know that most of the people I’m talking about either can’t read or will have given up after the first sentence. Mostly, said people will make a completely unrelated, irrelevant and invalid point… leaving me sat staring at my screen, shaking my head and questioning my faith in humanity while thinking “what was the point in that?!” Are you trying to get a reaction? Or do you just want me to notice you? Well, congratulations. I officially think you’re an idiot. Would you like a badge? As you may have gathered, if you’ve done this, I probably don’t like you.
When someone with an IQ higher than five makes a valid point, I’m happy to talk about it. Until then, please, just don’t even say it. To make it even worse, these are the kind of people that usually add about nine x’s to the end of the message. Just to make it that little bit more irritating.
So there you have it, one gigantic rant about everything. If you have a problem with it, make sure to check your IQ before making that point to me, there are many sites on the Internet where you can do that. That’s if you can operate Google effectively.